Community Project: Rape of my Loved One
As I occasionally mention, I've had the sad and meaningful experience of supporting both friends and lovers through the ongoing healing of sexual assault. I find, lately, that *I* need support as well. On a drive this week, I realized how powerful it would be to have a book of testimonials of men and women (and other genders) who have supported others through healing ... what their emotions and experiences were. I would be willing to edit a website or book to put this together... so I've added it to my projects list and I've created a next action to research books or websites already written on the subject this week. In general, I want to look into resources for secondary survivors like myself (which help us both to support assault survivors AND support ourselves... since coping with the deep hurt of a loved one is difficult in and of itself, with its own special challenges and long-term impacts).
Update
10/30/07:
I'm going to be a bit more structured with this, so will GTD Project plan this now.
Also, I've been in contact with Orange County Rape Crisis Center support group coordinator Sage (who seems to rock) about a secondary survivors group and related resources. She's going to organize one this winter (if you need contact information for that, please let me know and I'll pass on information to her). Also (again), I passed her information on to the awesome dudes at MARC - Men Against Rape Culture - who I've always had great experiences with. Come winter, we should have some great stuff going on, and I'm looking forward to that supportive time.
Since the original post, I've looked around and not found much on supporting secondary survivors like myself. What I find, I'll post.
Purpose/Principles/Values
Almost every woman I've had a close relationship with has been assaulted in one form or another, and almost exclusively by men. I believe men are hurting deeply as a culture, and manifest it either by violence themselves or having to cope with the violence of others to their loved ones. I believe if men particularly, but secondary survivors in general, had more resources around how to support the loved ones in their lives who have been impacted by sexual assault, we'd end up with a different culture where women aren't the objects of regular assault (though it certainly happens in the LGBTQ community too). This is in keeping with some principles in a great article on sexual education for men: More than a few good men: strategies for inspiring boys and young men to be allies in anti-sexist education by Jackson Katz. (which I recently passed on to some folks at the OCRCC).
Vision/Success/Mission
Success would look like some collection of resources for secondary survivors in general and men in particular in supporting themselves and their loved ones. That might be a popular book of stories... or a website... some artifact that is of benefit to many.
Brainstorm
To get there, I've got to first find out what's been done... and to be honest I've found VERY little. But in supporting myself, I'll keep looking up stuff.
I've got some relevant connections and certainly experience already, but organic and community driven is often the best way. I'll hopefully get more involved in MARC and the secondary survivors group that comes together...
Organize
This is mostly organic as an idea at this point, so the organization is just to track opportunities as they come up.
Next Actions
Few - just to suspend a reminder task to check back in about the support group as the spring comes close, and to occasionally look for resources myself (a maybe/someday online browsing task should do).
Update
10/30/07:
I'm going to be a bit more structured with this, so will GTD Project plan this now.
Also, I've been in contact with Orange County Rape Crisis Center support group coordinator Sage (who seems to rock) about a secondary survivors group and related resources. She's going to organize one this winter (if you need contact information for that, please let me know and I'll pass on information to her). Also (again), I passed her information on to the awesome dudes at MARC - Men Against Rape Culture - who I've always had great experiences with. Come winter, we should have some great stuff going on, and I'm looking forward to that supportive time.
Since the original post, I've looked around and not found much on supporting secondary survivors like myself. What I find, I'll post.
Purpose/Principles/Values
Almost every woman I've had a close relationship with has been assaulted in one form or another, and almost exclusively by men. I believe men are hurting deeply as a culture, and manifest it either by violence themselves or having to cope with the violence of others to their loved ones. I believe if men particularly, but secondary survivors in general, had more resources around how to support the loved ones in their lives who have been impacted by sexual assault, we'd end up with a different culture where women aren't the objects of regular assault (though it certainly happens in the LGBTQ community too). This is in keeping with some principles in a great article on sexual education for men: More than a few good men: strategies for inspiring boys and young men to be allies in anti-sexist education by Jackson Katz. (which I recently passed on to some folks at the OCRCC).
Vision/Success/Mission
Success would look like some collection of resources for secondary survivors in general and men in particular in supporting themselves and their loved ones. That might be a popular book of stories... or a website... some artifact that is of benefit to many.
Brainstorm
To get there, I've got to first find out what's been done... and to be honest I've found VERY little. But in supporting myself, I'll keep looking up stuff.
I've got some relevant connections and certainly experience already, but organic and community driven is often the best way. I'll hopefully get more involved in MARC and the secondary survivors group that comes together...
Organize
This is mostly organic as an idea at this point, so the organization is just to track opportunities as they come up.
Next Actions
Few - just to suspend a reminder task to check back in about the support group as the spring comes close, and to occasionally look for resources myself (a maybe/someday online browsing task should do).
Labels: community projects, Rape of my loved one, Sexual Assault
posted by Mike Dolan Fliss at
9/30/2007 04:20:00 PM
2 Comments:
Mike-
This is a really good idea, and I think that people would be very interested in contributing to such a book or compilation of thoughts and memories. It would be similar to, but deeper than, grouphug.us and postsecret.com (both of which are well-liked and often used).
I remembered today that I wanted to see your website, so I found it from the facebook link. It is a very pretty and nice-looking page. Perhaps you could toggle the preferences so that the date, as well as the time of post is displayed? It is rather strange without it. Unless, of course, it is that way for a reason.
I hope your summer is still going well, and no monsters came out of your fallen-down shacks!
-Katie
Thanks Katie. I have on my to-dos to look into what's already been done about this... so I'll check those two projects out.
The shack walking was fun! I'd love to have you all over some other time - Zac Hackney and I just had dinner, and it was a hoot. He told the funniest story about where Bob Liles has been working! lol.
All the best with college coming up. You know, you're my first comment! :-)
peace,mike
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