Welcome to my Online Home!

A quick note.

Some time ago I went to a conference on Alzheimer's...and one of the
pieces of research suggested clearly that one of the best things you can
do for increasing direct and indirect resiliency against Alzheimer's
(apart from not having a certain gene which increases your chances of
getting it) is exercise.

Exercise is good. Personally, I don't like exercising for health's
sake, really (as in "necessary chore" mind). At this point, since I've
been "exercising" (training?) almost daily since I was wee it's just
FUN, a part of my life. I thought I was pretty set on my perspective
about it, but really appreciated a side comment/joke made by someone at
the Alzheimer's conference. During a piece on exercise, the trainer
said, jokingly,

"Exercise...and die a healthier person!"

That's a key line to me. In a world where lots of folks are engaging in
lifestyle activism, eating organic, taking weird pills, it's important
to remember you're STILL gonna die. And, potentially die, in some pain
and sickness. That is, eating well, sleeping on a hypoallergenic
bed...whatever, doesn't mean you're not going to get really sick and
die. Maybe you'll be "lucky" and die in your sleep...but maybe you
won't, in spite of a lifetime of exercise, eating healthy, not smoking,
whatever.

However, I'm not bashing eating healthy, exercise, etc. They've got
great benefits that increase, often dramatically, one's moment to moment
quality of life. That's good! But the idea of it being effective
protection against the vicissitudes of life is just not true.

Whenever someone suggests that I'll live longer and happier engaging in
all this healthy stuff (which I STILL do, for other reasons), I think of
Suzuki Roshi, who just turned 100 and lives on Cold Mountain. I've
heard rumor he's the happiest, most baby-faced person those who met him
have met...after a lifetime of extreme simplicity, a shit-ton (metric)
of just sitting, and probably NOT the fanciest food.

He probably kept a pretty healthy lifestyle, too...but I doubt he used a
lot of moolah and fancy skin products to protect his body against life.
Food for thought, to me.

Fun, I just wrote that while listening to a talk by Brad Warner, and immediately after I wrote it I heard him say "Boredeom is good." Doesn't mean we agree on anything, but cute lil coincidence to start with.

I've been enjoying listening to this podcast by Brad Warner from his visit to Atlanta. I often REALLY enjoy his stuff - and by "enjoy his stuff" I think I'm referring to an experience of positively enjoying and gaining language for my own experience. Not necessarily his language... but it often feels like a good conversation.

So something came up in his talk on his blog I wanted to briefly mention. He chats for some time about boredom's relationship to zen, and references one of his first written pieces for the web as "Zen is boring."

I sit some zazen, still. Previously while sitting (and it still comes up now) I realize I sit with this expectation of sitting's goodness for me. Not only will sitting zazen solve all my problems and insecurities, fix my bad posture and improve my health, I'll concentrate better and improve my relationships...but I'll know that it's happening at the time. I'll recognize the taste of that process while sitting.

Yeah, right.

Instead, my thoughts are often more like: "Is this that magical experience? It doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm just fucking sitting here. I'm not sitting in some magical way, some enlightened process where I recognize my own enlightenment in the process... I'm sitting all wrong! Instead of sitting "correctly," I'm just fucking sitting here, well, just like I would sit here (how horrible). However that is. Well, how is that again? Oh, I guess that is this. This is it."

Often that experience seems pleasant - somewhere between transitioning "actively" and being transitioned, where I seem to drop off knowing not only whether I'm doing it or it's happening to me, but the difference between the two. I dunno what it's really about.

I've started dating someone (Natasha Salazar, if you know her) recently, and there's a lot of wonderful things about that experience. But I feel, at this point, there's some link between something I'm really enjoying about that experience and something I enjoy (but is not necessarily comforting in the "knowing" sense, sometimes) about zazen. She and I often seem to not know what's going on at all. Everything from "how do we kiss?" to "what will we do when she moves to Florida?" Nearly every sentence, it efels, we're meeting in this place of not knowing. The alternative's interesting: pretending to know, or perhaps more accurately, to just go ahead and "cheat" the depth of the experience and "believe" something, or go with something. "I don't know how to kiss her, so I'm going to go with THIS." Moving away from not-knowing mind...because it's uncomfortable, in a certain sense! I mean, the prospect of dating her intensely for two weeks before she moves to Florida's brings up feelings of "holy crap, this may be BIG missing feelings really soon!" The 'alternatives' to not knowing are many, in a sense...but none of them really appeal to me.

In part, they're not really appealing because, well, they're kinda boring. I mean, she and I "decide" our personalities, our stories, and how we will interact with each other... and they perform those roles, roughly knowing what we're doing...maybe adding or taking away something here or there. Ugh, no thanks. In a sense, though, it seems I'm pretty conditioned, in that it seems I have habits to "cheat" and move away from not knowing.

Knowing is kinda boring, really. Not knowing, but still "having to say/do something," is actually quite empty of idea and enjoyable. I don't mean to suggest that for me the experience dating Natasha is the same as sitting zazen... because, in large part, that would mean I'd be able to put a finger on either of those two experiences, which I have a hard time doing. There something very enjoyable about the funny process of trusting and getting to know each other - and our MILLION differences that in a sense seem to create opportunities of not knowing. And there's a similar feeling in sitting.

What is our relationship "supposed to be" given our situation, our feelings, etc.? What is sitting supposed to feel like, moment to moment, given my experiences, "spiritual ripeness" (whatever the fuck that is), etc.? In either case, pretending to know something would be to assume I could also know a HUGE number of other things... What precisely are my feelings (especially given that they seem to be changing all the time)? What IS our situation, really (especially given that they...you guessed it!)? And how ripe am I and how would I know that?

A fun question to end with, in a very concrete and physical sense: How long can you kiss someone with a mind of "not knowing how" before you settle on "like THIS?" How long can you sit zazen with a mind that doesn't settle on a boxed description and plan? Quantity of time is a kinda ridiculous question in a lot of ways... but it seems very interesting and full of meaning as a lens to point out how I can become "dissatisfied": seemingly by experiencing life through a series of plans and good ideas about the next moment or next year, carrying the plans with a mind that purports to know, and then comparing where I am/will be with my idea of where I am.

Not knowing, moment after moment, often has a flavor for me of ... deep, gross and unexpected like forever digging in really fertile soil as it teems with life.

The newest "entertaining" story or plan about life never seems to taste as good as the newest, living, unboxable moment.

Labels: zen

Provacative title, but Erik Daubert is a provocative person.

Friend and mentor Calvin Allen was the executive director for Public Allies when I was an ally, and is now currently of SRDI hailings. I worked with Cal as an ally, then as an alumni in fundraising drive from alumni of the program. Through him I met Erik Daubert and had the luck to work with him in his direction of the initiative. He also lead the training on fundraising given to allies that year... so I had the blessing of hearing a seasoned fundraiser for the triangle YMCAs describe fundraising theory.

Here's an email - one from Erik, one from Cal, and one from me - that explains this project. There's one day left in it, so we'll see where it goes... but it's a fascinating possibility, especially as someone in social work grad school who works with folks who do this for a living. A week turn-around might not be possible with everyone...but what if it were? Can homeless be ended like this? Personally, I don't think so... but I think it's ESSENTIAL for communities to actively try like this. This project is a joint one of Genesis Home and Erik.

So here's some emails.

My email:

Erik, Cal, (Sarah,)

Erik, you once told me something that changed me significantly. In a conversation about fundraising at PANC, I don't know how it came up... but I think you said something offhand to this effect: if you can't even raise $1 from people who benefit from a program's services, you have a serious problem. Also, you impressed on me the importance of fund raising as a community building activity - a chance to reconnect people with a program's mission, a chance to get much needed feedback, to build relationships between people. Knowing you REALLY helped me add important language for community work I've used with MANY people to talk about community building.

I don't know all of what you're doing here. Part of me wants to know where the money's going, questions sustainability, etc. As someone in social work school, I have professional acquaintances that are supposed to do this as their jobs. To do it in a week blitz seems impossible.

But I believe you in. I'll give $100, and whatever other strength's I can spare toward the event (what's the situation?). Tell me where to send it.

peace,mike

PS And I miss you both, on the side. :-) Erik, did you do the fundraising training for PANC this year? If you have time, do you have interest this year... or if not this year, can you next year? I've been organizing some trainings for them because I care DEEPLY about certain values, and getting this email from you touched some sensitive and important values to me around training about community work - specifically the importance of measuring investment in community's served (even if, literally, folks being served are homeless - the ask is ESSENTIAL - $.50 from everyone still MEANS something and DOES something).

I'm CCing Sarah Kaneko who knows of the Genesis Home as well. Sarah, if you know anyone who might be interested in this, please feel free to forward.

...in my response to Cal Allen's:

Hey Friends-

I'm asking for your help to assist a family, prove the power of community, and to help my bold friend, Erik.

Erik Daubert is a great friend I've known since 1994. My Public Allies friends know him as "my friend who is the best fundraiser I've ever met --" and he is. I know him as a human of tremendous heart and love for action. Erik likes challenges, and he's taken on a big one this week.

While watching "Oprah's Big Give," her new reality show where people have to give away money, Erik thought "why can't a person do this without a million dollars in a week?" So, he went to a local nonprofit for homeless families, asked them to recommend a family for support, and Erik is attempting to find them long-term housing, jobs, and vital things they need -- IN A WEEK, or as close to it as possible.
He's found possible long-term housing on the busline and is working on down payments, etc. He's found a donor willing to match other donations. He's even got leads on jobs. He's working on long-term solutions, not just short-term support.

While I know this is about the family, I have to mention that Erik has full-time work that usually takes him out of town for weeks, so he's also giving a tremendous gift of time.

One of the reasons I will give money, time, and treasure to this is that this is a way of proving that we don't have to have homelessness in the US. We have the resources, we just don't have a system for supporting long-term equitable distribution and supporting ALL our people in all the ways that matter.
Can a community really help move a family out of homelessness in close to 7 days?
If you have time, talent, or treasure to offer, read Erik's specifics below and give as you can.
Thanks!
Calvin

...which was in response to Erik Daubert's email:

Cal ?


I don?t know if you had a chance to watch ?Oprah?s Big Give? on
Sunday but if you did, you will see aspects of that show?s concept
in the email below. Feel free to forward this as appropriate to any
network you have if you are willing to play along J Let?s talk SOON!


This is one of my effort?s to change the world this year. Know that
I appreciate you very much and thank you for all that you are doing
to make the world a better place! *It has been a fascinating
experience for me thus far working on this project?but I need your
help to make it work?thanks for anything that you can do **J***

* *

*3.5 million people will experience homelessness in a given year ?
About 41 percent of homeless were families *

IMAGINE raising YOUR family without a home or in a homeless
shelter. It is not something that any of us want or hopefully will
ever have to think about.


*This week, I am working with ONE FAMILY who is homeless but with
your help, I plan to change that and have them set up with a
permanent residence by Sunday. *(I have been working on this for a
couple of days now?)
I plan to take a mother (43% of the homeless population are women)
and her four children under the age of 11 (1.35 million of the
homeless population are children) and set them up for permanent
housing by Sunday evening. The mother is a hard working (25% of the
homeless nationwide are employed) victim of domestic violence (22%
of homeless women claim domestic abuse as reason for homelessness)
who is just trying to make a hard equation work. She has fallen on
hard times and needs someone to pick her and her four children up so
that they can get back into something that they can afford that is
safe for her and her children. (Children under the age of 18 make up
39% of the homeless population. 42% of these are under the age of 5.)

I am working with a shelter who hand picked THIS FAMILY as one
deserving of a hand up out of all of the families they are currently
serving. This is a woman who is working hard (full time - 40 hours
a week hard?) to try to give her children a better life. When I
interviewed her to identify wants and needs, her list was so simple,
it was almost embarrassing. A safe place to live?A training potty
for her 18 month old child?safe and affordable day care for her
children?educational toys for her children?_ _They have been
homeless for about eight months?_ I am going to get this family a
place to live by Sunday night._

Here is where I am so far. I have a donor who will match everything
that I raise in pledges and/or contributions by Sunday. I have
located housing in a good school system and on a bus route so that
she can go to work and her kids can go to good schools.
I NEED YOUR HELP TO make this work?I NEED YOU TO GIVE WHAT YOU CAN
(that feels good J) knowing that this money will be managed by a 501
c 3 charity (The Genesis Home) and put into action to help this
needy family. I NEED YOU TO _PLEDGE_ AN AMOUNT TO HELP ME HELP THIS
FAMILY...and I NEED the pledge BY SUNDAY IF AT ALL POSSIBLE - that
will help with the match! Pledge $50 or MORE IF YOU CAN knowing you
are taking four kids and getting them out of the plight of
homelessness and into a neighborhood where they can survive and
thrive. All contributions are so appreciated and are fully tax
deductible. THANK YOU for anything that you can do!

Erik J. Daubert MBA, ACFRE

Financial Development Consultant

YMCA of the USA

Labels: social justice

the part that gets me is this. It's like gentrification, in a sense: stop advocating and giving a shit for the safety of tap water in communities, and that water's safety will go down the drain (ha). Individuals who can't then PAY to have water - which, given scientific and infrastructure resources should be a right at this point in humanity - get stuck with the environmentally dangerous stuff. That's going to be historically marginalized, less powerful groups - like people of color or working class communities - that bear the burden of a water system that the folks with money and power don't give a shit about. It's like public vs. private education, or any other resource...it comes down to how much we care about access for ALL and act on that, or pull interest because the wealthy folks with little concern about environmental (etc) impact are enabled to by their privilege.

I wouldn't advocate chastising people for not understanding how privilege and bottled water connect, but I would certainly advocate for education and action when possible. "Lifestyle activism is not enough" in my mind - advocate for clean water in your town! Heck, build a well if you have the resources! I think technically this could be termed a kind of "environmental racism" if you check out the definitions used in that movement's work.

Anybody seen Total Recall? It's going to be like that with air, eventually, if folks don't spread understanding of how systems disenfranchise folks. (in Total Recall, on Mars, clean air was at a shortage because of a similar dynamic of rich folks not giving a shit about sustainability, but being able to buy their survival during broken systems. They made everyone pay for air (which, scientifically, could have been given to all as a right in that world), and districts that couldn't pay got their air pulled. Then Arnold's eyes popped out. :-)

A hilarious Penn & Teller BULLSHIT on bottled water
http://youtube.com/watch?v=XfPAjUvvnIc

Bottled Water Taxes...
http://sustainablog.org/2008/01/08/groundbreaking-bottled-water-tax-raises-dustup-in-chicago/

Labels: environment, social justice

With all the community change literature I've been reading for my macro social work class, it's hard not to see whatever I read within that lens. Well, that, and ultimately I think I read almost everything and wonder how it applies to Buddhism, Aikido or Social Justice. So on reading one of my favorite technical blogs, Coding Horror, I found an exact parallel to creating good social work interventions and programs: UsWare.

http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/archives/001066.html

The gist of it is that it's always best to get input from others at a huge level...and ideally, create programming that folks can use together so there's vested interested in the creators as well as the consumers. Check out the post, and think about neighborhood organizing. Might be food for thought.

Labels: social justice