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I'm still finishing up my trip and have a few more weeks before I'm back home in NC. Still, the bulk of my heavy training is over: just a few more low-key days in NYC with Hal Lehrman Sensei, meeting up with my bud/relationship partner and heading to FL, her stomping grounds, then back to NJ to see friends and family before heading home in August. But I'm finding I'm in a touch of training shock from the experiences of the last few weeks, training 6-8 hours a day most days. Toward processing that experience, I'm gonna reflect some on some things I enjoyed from my trip.


• I like some free time each day for ?personal? things at this point..but not too much. Staying at Brooklyn Aikikai with Savoca sensei's dojo/monastery was very enjoyable, but there's very, very little personal time for errands, work or reflection. It's pretty "go-go-go", at least as I was there. Not having personal time makes for great training space - there's kinda nowhere to hide, literally and figuratively, and I found that very cleansing.
  

• I like a minimum of personal space. Not much. But sleeping on the mat isn't fantastic. Still, I can see its merits, and think I'd benefit from it in a "lifestyle training" regimine. I think I'd like less personal space than I have at home, but more than, well, zero.

• I like community where I can eat well and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I lucked out: both dojos had a group of people very interested in being healthy. I know that's something I sometimes take for granted at my current dojo - we're practically a dojo of vegetarians. Being overweight seems to be pretty common at many aikido dojos, but I enjoy the culture that corresponds with a healthy eating lifestyle that we have at Open Sky. New York Aikikai had a vegan, vegetarian and raw foodist eating there with me (I'm vegetarian and eat a little eggs and milk each month). We could cook for each other, taste each other's food, etc. Very pleasant. And while the uchi deshi Brent and sensei Savoca and his wife all ate meat, they ate VERY little. Everybody drank, but I was never pressured (well, not much anyway) to try some. The great folks at NY Aikikai suggested I try some non-alcoholic beer just to get a sense of the flavor...I had no idea there was something like that! While I may take it for granted that my awesome housemate/friend is vegetarian, it's very pleasant for me to eat with folks who at least have healthy eating (whatever it looks like) on their radar.
  

• I like a LOT of training a day. I was just starting to get over the hump training 6-8 hours a day, getting used to it that is, and it felt great. I like having to reserve my energy for the next class and not being able to be, well, lazy with my technique. Wasting energy is generally not a great idea, I'm sure, but it's barely an option training that much. I like it.
  

• I like NOT music all the time...just errands maybe? Especially at Brooklyn, I listened to music almost never. Electronics weren't really allowed on most of the time, and my long projects had no accompanyment. In the beginning it was kinda jarring, in that I often supplement activities with tunes...but eventually I found it really enjoyable. Though, I think, I might not feel that way about the roar of the subway - not a fan of that noise. I think I should just use my earplugs on future trips. Anyway, taking a walk for errands, when very occasional, was a nice moment to enjoy some music. I got to listen to sensei's music some (a mix of old school hip hop and traditional chanting), which was nice... but overall I think "less is more" with my enjoyment of music. Going to pare down.
  

• I like a garden to water/care for. Both dojos had rooftop gardens. I liked it, a lot. It took a bit of growing on me at Brooklyn, and I'm still not used to it, but if I were to live at a dojo having fresh mint for the tea is very compelling...
  

• I like working hard ? building things, doing things, investing in spaces daily, not just myself. I often get really self-centered in my personal spaces, so much so that I can't even see how it would be of benefit to me to better serve my space around me. Improving spaces, simply but solidly, is a comforting practice. I'd like to bring that back to the house in NC. Plus, they're physical actions - using my hands, which often don't get used as much as I'd like.
  

• I do things ?nice? for people to get them to like me as a protection mechanism. This is lame. I appreciate Savoca sensei's willingness to not be liked by people watching class. I'm finding in myself more and more a coping strategy that's waaay unnecessary at this point, and keeps me from life: Trying to be beyond reproach and then adding a helping component will keep me from being heckled. After being chastized by Savoca sensei for forgetfully leaving the sound on my phone/alarm clock, I spent much of that zazen period witnessing the voices in my head defend myself primarily through my working hard otherwise. Like I somehow earned not getting negative feedback by deeds done elsewhere. How dangerous! Especially in training, to get harsh feedback is exciting for me, essential even.
  

• I like combination of busy days and NOTHING time. At Savoca sensei's I had so much to do...that when I got 45 minutes off it was VERY pleasant. But just taking a few hours here and there throughout the day is nowhere near as satisfying. Lesson: earn my rest. Not earn from someone else, or even earn from some set of "shoulds" in my mind, but that rest, like many things, seems to be best enjoyed by me in moderation. It's enjoyable in contrast to, not independant of, work.
  

• I like consequences for basic things (water on my head, alarm clock). After getting locked out of the dojo I got water dumped on my head - as did the other live-in training student. And as mentioned before I got chastized for leaving my alarm on, "embarassed" in a sense in front of everyone siting zazen. But all those things were appropriate. In a training context, I'm lucky to get strong feedback on minor points. Now, it's important to find an ethical teacher, and dangerous to have these dynamics in a non teaching relationship...but I felt very lucky to have been chastized in these ways.
  

• I like some routine and form. Doing something often and regularly allows me to better see my self and my habits. Everything new all the time makes it hard for me to witness my own differences within those circumstances. Lesson: bring back more routines, especially personal routines.
  

• I like enough time to do things completely (sewing, leaving things out, washing the table afterwards - completely!). I've mentioned this before, but this requires a mostly simple life. To have time to do everything that needs to be done well and fully can be hard when you have a billion things. Sensei was kind enough to make it clear that, while I washed my dishes, said my thanks, and put everything away, I didn't wipe the table after myself. Not wiping the table (when it's a natural, handmade huge wooden table like they use at the dojo) shortens the life of the table and stains it. Leave time to do it well, and you have time to investigate what it IS to do something well.
  

• I like pristine ownership, storage systems. The storage, especially at Brooklyn, was prinstine. There were inventory lists, etc. Things kept were clearly being cared for and their relationships aware and maintained. Another vote for having few enough things that you can 1) care for them and 2) have the time to track them.
  

• I like caring for the kamiza. Regularly honoring the spirit of the place is pleasant for me. I had some minor epiphanies while doing so that I wouldn't have had if I were just "there" and not in acknowledged sacred space. Amazing, too, how I have a tendency to want to take care of others things because of insecurities but not to have routines like caring for a place of my own that no one else sees. I'd like to develop regular, committed caring practices that only I am accountable to as an antidote to my dependant mind. Check this blurb by Suzuki roshi posted in Brooklyn as food for thought on that.
  

• I like bowing when I enter sacred space. The experience for me is one of noticing when I'm rushing. I run past and give a half-assed bow....good to recognize!
  

• I like clear shoes on and off areas (carpet? Mats? Wood? Something to CLEARLY say ?shoes, not shoes). We do have a system for this at our house, but it is not so clear. It was nice to have a pristine system for shoes...
  

• I like routine cleaning tied with certain times. It just gets done. After each class, cleaning got done. That's it. If I had home routines, I'd be able to tie on cleaning to them as well. The possibility excites me.
  

• I like a morning wake up routine (tea, whatever). When up, it's nice to have something to do immediately to get you out of bed and moving. At both dojos there was something to do right away. Some were chores, some were relaxing moments of tea... regardless, it was time to get up!
  

• I like leaving sayings up around the place... I used to do this, but haven't as much anymore. Having gathas, poems and sayings posted in key areas is pleasant for me.
  

• Being aroused all the time is annoying. Instead, searching for meaning, learning, is more enjoyable most of the time. I'd rather spend time wondering about aikido, or my life, or my habits, than being aroused again and again by others or fantasies and my ideas of them. Moderation, please!

• I like having physical to-dos during the day. Not just emailing, but actual, hands-on stuff. Big fan. Gets me out of my head and back in the present.
  

• I like leaving things clean. This relates to doing things 100%, as well, but it also creates a pleasant habit of leaving things "dones."
  

• I like limited electronics time. I'm on the computer way too often. Specific time to work, study, etc. is helpful for me. I need more physicality!
  

• I like some spaces to be arranged to feel meaningfully. The basement at Brooklyn had a scary mask when you turn on the light. What are my reactions to spaces, and how can their layout suggest meaning?
  

• I like clear ON/OFF energetic times, doing or non-doing. Knowing whether I'm absorbed in doing or not doing is nice for when I'm training. I handle middle spaces by getting off track, so in a sense it's cheating to either be busy or busy with absolutely nothing. But I'd rather creep up on those challenging multi-tasking or meandering task times. I like clarity.
  

• I like bringing tea to class after aikido. I'll consider this as a habit to start at our dojo, if I can!

That's it for now. I'm still brainstorming what systems I'd like to take back. I'm leaning towards moving into an uchi deshi program at the end of the year, so I'll try to keep these things in mind while I plan. And in the meanwhile, while I live in a house and train, I'll try to remember to do the things I enjoy! Delusion's a funny thing.
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After a stay at home with my bro Tom and my mom (and a visit by Natasha) where I trained at Center City Aikido (no Donovan around - he was in chile and argentina teaching a seminar... but his senior students Pete, Fred and teacher Dana pushed me and were kind in training!), I'm off to NYC. Arrived around 1 and spent most of the afternoon in NYC at the Colombia dental clinic to get a wisdom tooth checked out. I've a follow-up appt next Monday.

Then it was class time. From there I showed up late for Yamada sensei's class. Whoops - couldn't be helped, I suppose. Took his class, then Harvey Konigsburg's class (got to take a little ukemi for him - w00t), then another beginner's class. Good times. Left shoulder's a bit sore from kayaking with my brother, but otherwise...good stuff.

Spent an hour post class walking around the dojo's neighborhood and landmarking significant stores. I've been here... maybe two months at this point total (in short spurts, usually a week or two over Dec and summer), but I've never really made a concerted effort to figure how I'd best like to eat, shop and live while here. Tonight I had sushi... and learned some of what to order and what NOT to order - like blowing $2 on a single piece of inari. Here I was, thinking I'd be spending $2 on a few inari pieces, but no luck.

Another perk of being vegetarian showed up tonight: there's often fewer choices. I LOVE fewer choices in restaurants and menus. Let's me get a system down faster. I suppose that reminds me of precepts in zen, in a way, in that you sort of "opt out" of some really difficult to balance stuff - like intoxicants, killing, whatever. Some folks maybe HAVE to do those things...maybe, I dunno...but balancing them without danger to self or others seems tricky. I like following them as best I can. Even the ones I do take challenging positions on (like being in open relationships, etc.) seem tricky enough without worrying about the other 8 or 9. Ultimately, though, I think I don't feel it's particularly useful for myself to be considering which I do or don't follow in spirit... but more find value in investigating their spirit. I guess I'm just saying that looking for the spirit in "rules" like that, while simplifying, let's you make some headway. Walking a middle way versus walking an untrammeled field, I suppose. For me, having an "external" marker like a precept or rule demonstrates the ultimately internal nature of those rules - the "road" is really created, conditionally, by my interpretation of it - so I end up just walking on myself, wondering where my middle is. Adherence to an external, for me, is really about adhering to whatever it is that is natural for me...with all its investigations and whatnot.

I still like being vegetarian though. And, for instance, not being interesting in shopping for new clothes - that meant I only marked a select FEW "important spots" for me - like mostly vegetarian friendly restaurants, the UPS, and the Rubin museum of Buddhist Art - a personal fav spot for me. Good times!

Now a touch of consulting work, a lil' GTD reviewin', and night time before the 6am wake up call and cleaning! Tomorrow: 5 classes, eating, a to-do or two and connecting with friends. Awesome.

peace,mike

Labels: aikido